You must
be fully satisfied with your DuctHide wallet or your money will be
cheerfully refunded.
Okay,
I'm likely wrong to say cheerfully because we really don't want to refund any
money as cash is what makes the world go 'round and we sure don't want
to be responsible for knocking the planet off it's axis or anything. If
that happened, we'd be refunding everybody's money because they won't
be needing wallets if folks start expiring due to the earth meandering
away from the sun and all.
So, If
it Kills
Everybody on the Planet, We Can't do It
But wait a minute... if the
world was moving away from
the sun, people
would start getting colder and we could then get to makin' ducthide
blankets to keep
the planet's population from freezing to death! Of course, it's only
good management to ponder just how long potential purchasers would
survive as the globe got
colder and was eventually turned
into a fridgid piece of rock with
almost no ducthide customers left alive...
So maybe we
shouldn't warranty
the wallets.
We sure as hail don't want to be responsible for the deaths of six
billion plus
people - all on account of a few greedy customers wanting a free
wallet.
It's just too risky.
Okay,
we'll do the warranty
thing but Not Without Rules
So here's
the deal: If your
wallet is not living up
to your expectations (maybe your expectations are out of whack, have you ever thought of that?) please send us an email stating how you (ab)used
the
wallet, why you think you
deserve a new one along with a photo or reasonably drawn (preferredly in charcoal) facsimile of the expired
financial retainer. This also applies to wallets that are lost, stolen
or have evaporated. (it happens)
We will ask
you to pay $6.50 to
cover shipping and handling and you will get a new wallet as long
as not too many folks have hit us up for free wallets that month.
To justify the $6.50 for handling, we'll have someone cart your
replacement around for 24 hours in their back pocket and then we're gonna pass it around our
warehouse from person to person like it was a hot potato. Everybody who works
with us will be handling this wallet so that's a hail of a pile of handling for a
measly $6.50.
I only hope yer new wallet doesn't get lost or stolen during handling
because we sure don't want to be charging too many folks another
handling fee just because their second wallet is now missing. Even
though this would really help our profit margin (and that's what business is really all about...), we're gonna try real hard to not
to let this happen. It just ain't right.
But
all kiddin' aside, we really
do make top notch wallets and we're dang sure you'll be proud to own
one. To find out why why we're so confident about this, take a gander
at our Trade Secrets page.
